The Incubator

Early last week I went for my initial evaluation with the acupuncturist (I am already tired of typing that long word so from now on he will be refereed to as the acu-p. Sound it out, it's kind of a fun word!). He asked about my basic medical history which always includes replies like, "Oh, really?" and "Never heard of that before." and my favorite, "I'm gonna have to look a few things up first." This guy has a great since of humor though so the process was not nearly as tedious as it normally is with a new doc.

Next he began the exam by mashing on certain points all over my body and then I was to reply if they were tender or not. He however did not need my reply. Before I could even answer he would say, "That's tender isn't it?" or he would move on from a spot that was not tender before I even had the chance to reply because he already knew from what he was feeling. Pretty cool.

Our next stop on the Eastern Express was a test via a machine/computer that checked out my electrical current from multiple pressure points each indicating the condition of various organs. He explained all of this in great detail but it was like he was speaking Greek. Actually I would have preferred him use Greek or Latin, I know those root words, prefixes, and suffixes. But with the Asian languages, I am lost. Now I know what my patients feel like when I use medical terminology with them. Let's all try English please.

The end result of my tests lead him to believe (due to a previous blood clot in my brain)that my brain was not communicating well with my body. So, what are my options? Get a new body or a new brain? Cause on various days I have thought about trading one or the other in. It's really a toss up. :)

Now that we know it's not a normal hormone problem like most people struggle with (is that a good thing or a bad thing? Is that suppose to make me feel better or warn me of things to come?) we can proceed with a prescribed treatment plan.

Savannah came to my first acu-p session. In her sweetest voice she wanted to know if she asked the Dr. real nice if he would let her help put the needles in me. I have to admit this was the first and only time I was frightened! Dear, I hope not otherwise we are changing acu-ps!

Savannah was mesmerized as she watched the needles enter my body. And as they say on Curious George, she was a good little monkey. And just like on the TV show and in the books, the monkey gets curious which can lead him to not be such a good little monkey. Here I am laid out on a table with needles sticking out of me and a heating lamp over my uterus (I felt like a chicken was going to hatch in there any minute) and my 4 year old (who is usually a good little monkey mind you) is trying to grab my needles, playing with the machine that sends and reads electrical currents in your body, and literally climbing the walls. And they told me to lay here and relax for 20 minutes? That would require childcare.

By the time I got dressed and stepped out of the room, everyone in the building looked at us with a mixture of pity and amusement while stifling a laugh. I was quickly aware that for the past hour they had been listening to my frustration.

I left the building with a promise to laugh about this tomorrow and a small bottle of herbs capsuled in tiny black beads to take daily. I loved that Savannah was able to see what we Americans call "alternative medicine" (although for the rest of the world our alternatives are 1st choice and western medicine is a last resort. And aren't we only the 49th healthiest nation in the world which actually means we are extremely unhealthy??? Hold on, it will take me a minute to step off my soap box.)However, I will be attending sessions alone from now on. And the herbs? I am convinced the are just part of a conspiracy involving Mandy and Mark to slow me down because I have been napping and going to bed early since I started taking them. I'm on to you two! How much did you have to bribe my acu-p to get him to sedate me?